


Desperation

by Anestshia



Category: Bleach
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Blood, Bondage, Character Death, Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Hospitals, M/M, Out of Character, Parent/Child Incest, Porn, Punishment, Rape, Violence, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-20 13:47:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anestshia/pseuds/Anestshia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uryu Ishida's life is spiraling out of control. He's using drugs, alcohol and sex to forget his problems. He knows it's wrong and tries to hide it from his friends but everything quickly falls apart when he goes overboard and is found by Ichigo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very, very old story that I am sharing. It is not up to the same standards I use to write today but it was very well received when it was posted so I hope that you enjoy it!
> 
> I do not own Bleach, nor any of the characters used in this story. I do not make any money from this, I just enjoy playing with the characters!

_This is the story of how I died…_

_Well, not really, this is the story of how everything I am died…even if I am still a living, breathing human. No one has noticed yet, everyone still sees me as the ‘well adjusted’ smart kid who never lets anything or anyone bother him. They have no idea how wrong they are. They never see how much I hide. There’s the alcohol…the clubs, the sex…_

_The drugs…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Man, what the hell are you always writing in that journal of yours?”

Ishida jumped as he looked up, snapping the diary closed as he shook his head at his friend. He pretended he hated the boy but really…Ichigo was the only thing keeping him from ending it all. He was always around…he never really had the time too. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He asked with his trademark scowl, tucking the small book in his bag before standing.

Ichigo just sighed, his hand going to the back of his head in a nervous gesture as he watched the smaller man stand. Ishida was really starting to worry him, they had known each other for years but he had never seen the other so pale or so skinny. There was something wrong…He knew there was something wrong but he couldn’t seem to pin down exactly what it was. “Me and Chad are heading to a movie, do you wanna tag along?”

Ishida just shook his head, pulling his bag up a bit farther on his shoulder as he looked at Ichigo. He made sure to keep his sleeves pulled down though, he was constantly hiding the small puncture wounds in his arms now, the small red marks against his pale skin that showed just how far he would go to forget. He knew he couldn’t let anyone see them or they would lecture him, they would try to tell him what he already knew. “No, I already have plans.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_You see, I know it’s bad for me. Logically, I know that it’s dangerous and definitely not something I should do but…I just can’t help it. I’ve found that I…need it. I need the escape that the drugs give me, the escape that the alcohol and sex can give me._

_I know I’m addicted…but I still can’t stop._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The club was crowded as always, the dark blue, black and purple lights flashing and even illuminating the people waiting outside to get in. It was an underground club, one that dealt in drugs and alcohol for anyone who wanted them, it didn’t matter if you were underage or not, if you were good looking enough, you would get in. Ishida never had to wait to get in. He was one of the VIP’s and every bouncer that worked there knew to never try to keep him out or the owner himself would get mad. Ishida just nodded at the bouncer as he stepped past the red rope barring the entrance, easily making his way into the club.

“So nice to see you again, pretty boy.”

Ishida was groped when he walked into the club, big, calloused hands dragging across his exposed skin like they belonged there. He knew he had chosen well this time, the tight, midriff shirt and the jeans that rode low enough on his hips to reveal just a bit of the hair that led to his groin, making more then one head turn in his direction. He was wearing all black, the dark color stark again his almost white skin, making him stand out even more on the crowded dance floor. Ishida had learned a long time ago to never wear his glasses to the club, they always got broken and that was far too expensive, So, his hair was free to fan around his face, strands falling in front of his eyes and making him look even less like himself.

“Hmmm, how is my little tripper doing today?” Strong arms encircled Ishida’s slim waist, warm breath fanning across his neck as he was pulled against a solid, lean body. The blue haired man holding him leaned forward, sharp teeth scratching against the pale skin of the smaller mans neck. “Would you like some of this?”

Ishida’s eyes widened as the bag was dangled in front of his face, containing a needle full of one of his favorite drugs. His hand coming up to try to snatch them only to have them pulled away by the other man. “Grimmjow…” The name was almost a whine, ending on a gasp as he was spun around and pulled harshly against the bigger mans body.

“You know what the payment is right?”

Ishida swallowed as he looked into the piecing blue eyes, just trying to stop the shaking starting in his hands. “Of course I do…yes.” He murmured, wincing when he was pulled into a harsh embrace, a small sound coming from his throat when the other clamed his lips, those sharp teeth nipping until he opened his mouth to the invasion he knew was coming. The kiss was the same as always, harsh and demanding as well as possessive. Grimmjow was letting him know just who he belonged too before he took him.

The sex wouldn’t be any different this time either. Ishida knew that even as he was pulled into one of the VIP rooms and thrown to a bed, his arm pulled out to the side almost painfully.

“You knew what you were getting into when you said yes, don’t tell me your wimping out now.” The words were growled out as Grimmjow tied a tourniquet around Ishida’s arm, getting him ready for the drugs he knew he wanted.

Ishida just shook his head, letting his eyes close as he tried to relax his body against the bed. “I…I know.” He muttered, biting his lip as he looked down at his arm where Grimmjow was holding it down. He winced when the needle slid under his skin,crimson, red blood bubbling to the surface as the drug was injected straight into his blood stream. Ishida could always swear he could feel the drugs moving through him, calming him as it burned into his system. “Ahhh.” His eyes fell closed at that, his body finally relaxing as he took deep breaths, his mind fuzzing as the drug took effect, fast and efficiently, just like he wanted.

“You have your drug, now I get my payment.” Grimmjow didn’t receive any resistance when he started to undress the teen, revealing his pale body for his perusal and use. “Ahhh, you’re being such a good, little boy.” The blue haired man murmured, leaning down to nip at the mark right above Ishida’s right nipple, the tattoo that branded him as his. It had been a gift from him Grimmjow just months after he had started using, something he could never get rid of.

Ishida made a soft sound of discomfort when his unresisting body was tilted up and Grimmjow pressed into him, not worrying about preparing him at all. He knew this was how it would be though so he always did what he could before he came, preparing himself just enough so that Grimmjow could enter him without the painful ripping that had happened their first few times together.

The sex was the same as always, it was hard and fast with bruising grips and deceivingly soft touches. Grimmjow would use his body as long as he needed, as often as he needed through the night and tonight was no different. The blue haired man didn’t care if he hurt Ishida, he knew that the teen would come back as long as he promised him more drugs…more of the escape he craved so badly.

Ishida gasped, his body arching up when he felt the others hand surround his half hard erection just as he shifted just enough so that he thudded against his prostate with each debilitating thrust. This was one thing about Grimmjow that he couldn’t fault, he always got him off no matter how strung out on drugs he was. The bigger man drew pleasure from seeing his partners cum…apparently. His thought process’s were cut off when he felt Grimmjow bend him almost double and thrust into his body harder, pulling a surprised moan from his throat as his hazy eyes opened. “Ahhh…fuck…”

“Yes, that is what we’re doing.” The tone was teasing as Grimmjow moved in him, gripping Ishida’s hips hard enough to bruise. That was his last chance to talk before Grimmjow started moving in earnest, fucking him hard and fast into the bed.

It wasn’t long before the movements were too much, the overwhelming feeling of being stretched almost more then he could handle pushing Ishida over the edge into a breath stealing orgasm.

Grimmjow came seconds after that, hilting hard in his toy as he emptied himself, filling Ishida to where the white fluid was dripping out around his length even as he stayed buried deep inside him. He looked down at Ishida after that, tracing his fingers across the ribs that could be seen through his skin with a grin. “Very good, very good. That deserves another dose, don’t you think?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I know he’s not good for me…he may be the worst addiction I have actually…The alcohol and drugs don’t seem nearly as dangerous as being fully defenseless underneath a trained killer._

_Yeah, Grimmjow is ex-military, so it’s just really smart for me to let him fuck out my brains while I’m high as a kite, right?_

_But…just like the drugs and alcohol, I can’t quit him either…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ishida had collapsed when he got home, the drugs and alcohol in his system leaving him so out of it he didn’t even notice where he fell. Normally, he would come home, take a bath and sober himself up but…there was something different about this time, he just couldn’t move. He knew he had to move, he had to move so that Ichigo didn’t find him like this. The other had been living with him for a while, making his habits even harder to hide but he had managed so far. It had to be the second dose that had done this to him, he had never taken that much in one night and apparently his body didn’t know how to handle it yet.

Ishida would be found out that night.

Ichigo came into their shared apartment a couple hours after Ishida, his keys and coat falling to the floor as he almost ran to his roommate , the door still open wide behind him. “Ishida?” He asked, shaking him a bit, recoiling at bit how cold his body felt, he was even paler then when he had seen him last and it wasn‘t a good thing. “Come on Ishida.” He murmured, turning him a bit so that he rested on his back, just now noticing the bruises in the form of hands on his hips and the telltale needle marks on his arms. “No…” His hand moved up shakily, pressing against the pulse point on his friends neck, his eyes widening in panic at when he found there. “Ishida?!”


	2. The Reality of the Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding Ishida nearly dead in their apartment, Ichigo rides in the ambulance with his friend to the hospital only for the worst to happen and the reality of the situation to hit him.

The trip to the hospital was excruciating. Ichigo had called 911 the second he had gotten over the shock of barely being able to feel a pulse on Ishida’s neck. He had been pushed aside when the paramedics had come in, his body starting to shake as he watched everything they were trying to do to save Ishida…

Save him…

Ishida was dying…

Ichigo’s back hit the wall when the paramedics strapped an oxygen mask to Ishida’s face, a small measure of relief coming to him when he saw his friends chest start to rise and fall again. He didn’t know exactly what was going…what all the tubes, wires and machines were for but he knew none of it could be good. He was phasing out now, tears coming to his eyes as he thought about how his life would be without Ishida. It would be horrible…absolutely horrible. The teen didn’t even notice the paramedic until he was being forcefully shaken out of his thoughts by the man.

“Kid! Snap out of it! I need you to tell me what drugs your friend is taking.”

“Drugs?” Ichigo asked, his eyebrows furrowing before he shook his head. “No way, Ishida doesn’t do drugs.” He looked confused for a few moments as he thought back on everything that had seemed different about Ishida over the past few months. The weight loss…the paleness of his skin…the way he seemed distant and his blood shot eyes… “No…he can’t be…”

“Lets take reality for a spin, shall we? Your friend is suffering from a major drug overdose exacerbated by alcohol consumption. If you don’t tell us what drugs he’s taking, he could die.”

Ichigo had ended up being no help. He really hadn’t known Ishida had been taking drugs, he had seen all the signs, yeah, but he wasn’t a doctor by any stretch of the imagination so he couldn’t have diagnosed drug addiction. The teen had run to the ambulance when the paramedics carried Ishida out, only permitted to ride with him because they lived together. He had never ridden in an ambulance before but he really didn’t care about the newness of the experience, he was just watching the men do everything they could to keep his best friends heart beating. It was beyond nerve wracking, watching Ishida seem to fade in front of his eyes. Ichigo hadn’t understood what was going on when the paramedics seemed to start moving faster, panicking a bit themselves, he didn’t understand until he heard a noise that made his heart drop.

Ishida had flat lined…two minutes from the hospital.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ichigo was walking around as if in a blur. It was three days after he had found Ishida lying on the floor in their apartment…three days since he had watched his best friend…die in the back of an ambulance. The orange haired teen jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, looking up at the one touching him with glassy eyes.

“Ichigo…”

It seemed the name was all it took for him to break down. He dropped his books with a loud, clattering sound in the almost empty school hallway, a sob tearing out of his already sore throat before he was pulled into warm, comforting arms. Ichigo clung to the one holding him, crying tears of pure sadness and loss into his shirt. He couldn’t help but think of all the things he hadn’t done with Ishida that he had wanted too…he had never even told him…that he loved him. He had never even tried…

“Shhh.” Chad whispered, running his big hands over Ichigo’s shaking back, trying to comfort him in the only way he knew possible. He could see how hard this was hitting Ichigo…he hadn’t seen him cry since his mother had died. He had thought for a long time now that Ichigo would never cry again.

Chad had no idea how often he would see Ichigo cry now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you ok?”

Ichigo ignored the words, turning away from the concerned faces and burying his head in his arms. It had been the same thing all day: Are you ok? Is there anything we can help you with? I’m so sorry for your loss. We know you miss him. Do you need someone to cry on? It was driving him fucking insane! They were all acting like they could do something for him…like they could make it all better with their kind words and comforting gestures. Well they couldn’t! All he wanted was his best friend back, could anyone give him that?!

“We just want to help…”

Ichigo jerked at the soft hand on his shoulder, suddenly lashing it out and smacking it away, a completely devastated look in his eyes. “You know what will help?! You leaving me the hell alone!” He left after that, knocking his chair over with how quickly he had gotten up, almost breaking the handle on his bag as he jerked it with him. He stomped out of the room after that, making his way to the roof of the school where he knew he could be along at least for a few moments. The bag fell with a clang as Ichigo slid to the ground, leaning his back against one of the storage sheds on the roof. He was crying again but he didn’t care, the tears seemed to be a constant in his life now.

“Ishida…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’s not going to help at all with the preparations?” Ichigo asked, looking shocked and highly annoyed at the same time. The teen was looking more haggard by the day, his eyes dark with depression and blood shot from the tears he constantly shed. It didn’t help that he was now planning Ishida’s funeral with little to no help.

“Ryuuken has paid-”

“Paid?!” Ichigo caught her off, his fists landing on the table and rattling all the papers around him. “He’s paid? Ishida is his son!” Ichigo caught off at that, leaning down to catch his breath before continuing. “Ishida is his only son and he won’t even help with his funeral?! What kind of shit is that?”

“He just-”

Ichigo cut her off again, sweeping the papers off the table as he stood. “He just? He just what?! He just thought putting this all off on his best friend, his teenage best friend was a good idea?! What kind of sadistic bastard is he?!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Less then a week later, Ichigo was attending his best friends funeral…the funeral he had, had to plan. It was almost…ominous, the silence in the room when the pastor got up to speak. It was the first time he had stopped crying, well, it felt more like he didn’t have any tears left. The orange haired teen was sitting in the front row, his eyes looking almost dead, his skin almost as pale as Ishida’s had been the day before…that…

It was the quintessential funeral march as they walked up to the casket, looking inside and saying their final farewells to the boy who had died far too soon. Ichigo couldn’t help but listen to the old ladies in front of him, his mind wandering until he heard them say something utterly preposterous. “What?” He asked, looking less then amused as they looked back at him.

“We were just saying…”

“What? He looks good?” Ichigo asked, the outburst causing Chad to come up and grab his shoulders soothingly. “He’s dead! He can’t look good!” He was being pulled back after that, Chad arms around him as he shook almost violently. “Dead…” Apparently he had been wrong because those were tears coming to his eyes, tears burning his eyes as he bent at the waist, feeling sick all over again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’d rather go alone.” Ichigo said softly, his hand shaking as he held the black rose. He had been there through all of it, he had gone to the grave side, he had seen the casket lowered into the ground and the overly elaborate headstone placed above it. He hadn’t been able to approach the grave until everyone else had left…he needed to be alone, he needed to see Ishida on his own…even if it was only seeing his grave.

“Are you sure?” Chad asked, reaching out to touch his hair gently, smoothing it back from his pale face.

“Yeah…thank you though.” Ichigo said softly, brushing the hand back before trying to smile…and failing spectacularly. He walked away after that, making his way to the fresh grave and falling to his knee’s in front of his, his hand gripping the rose, making the thorns dig into his palm painfully. “Ishida…” The teen said softly, letting his head fall as he shuddered a bit. “I…I should have noticed…I should have done something about it…” The words barely came out as a whisper as tears clogged his throat again, making it hard for him to breath as well as speak. “God…I…I loved you so much…and I never told you!” He let the rose fall from his hands after that, the whole world seeming to move in slow motion before stopping, the flower only half way to the ground.

“Ichigo…”

Ichigo looked around for the voice, his world seeming to blur on the edges. “What?”

“Ichigo…”

He jumped at that, looking around again before blackness started to creep in on him, making him panic a bit as he got just a bit closer to the headstone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ichigo!”

Ichigo’s head jerked up as the table under it was jerked, the loud noise from a fist hitting the surface making him snap back to reality faster then he thought he could. “What?” He asked, looking totally and utterly confused. He glanced down at his hand, feeling the lingers pain but not seeing anything their. “What’s going on?”

“Ya looked like ya were havin’ a bad dream, so we woke ya up.” Renji said, leaning his head on his hand and looking at his orange haired friend. “The medics said tha sedative would keep ya out for a few hours but ya looked like ya were havin’ one hellova dream.”

“What…dream?” Ichigo asked, sitting up and looking around. “Where am I?”

“We’re at the hospital.” Ohrihime said, looking at Ichigo with a confused look on her face. “Remember…with Ishida.”

“With…what?” Ichigo asked, starting to shake a bit. They were at the hospital…with Ishida… “Why are we here?” He asked, pulling a hand through his disheveled hair.

“We’re waiting on the report on Ishida‘s condition.” Chad said, reaching forward to touch Ichigo’s forehead. “Are you ok?”

Ichigo took a deep breath, shaking a bit. “It can’t be…all a dream?” He asked before letting his head fall against the table with a thump, an almost laugh coming from his throat. “It was all a dream…”


	3. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being by Ishida's side for a week, Ichigo snaps and tries to force him awake, only to be sedated by the hospital staff and strapped to a bed. After waking, he is given Ishida's school bag where he looks for his planner... only to find his diary.

“You need to go home, Ichigo, you need to get some real sleep.”

The voice was soft and lulling, deceptive in it’s gentleness towards the despairing teen. Ichigo had spent an entire week by Ishida’s side, holding the others pale hand as his head leaned against his side. He just wanted Ishida to wake up, he needed to see his best friends eyes open…hear him speak and know he was ok. He couldn’t take not knowing if he was going to die or not, it was driving him insane with stress. “I can’t Chad…you know I can’t.” Ichigo let his head fall against Ishida’s side again at that, his hand clenching the others still cool one a bit harder. He was so close to tears again, his eyes watering as his breath stilted, coming out in soft pants instead of steady breaths. Every time someone told him to leave, he felt like it would be the last time he saw Ishida alive, the last time he would be able to feel the others chest rising and falling under his head. He just couldn’t take that chance, he wouldn’t take that chance.

“Ya aren’t going to make him wake up any faster by hoverin’ over him like that.” Renji was the one who spoke this time, one of his hands tangling with Chad’s as he stood there, their fingers linking together like long time lovers. The red haired man shook his head when all he received was a glare from Ichigo before he pressed back into Ishida’s side, clearly muffling tears he couldn’t stop shedding. “Lets go, we ain’t gettin’ through to him tonight either.” Renji murmured softly before pulling Chad out of the room, the door closing with a soft, ominous click.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ichigo woke with a groan, his body shifting as he felt the ghost of a movement, a foreign tightening around his hand that barely registered in his sleep fogged mind. It took another clenching on his hand and a soft groan to shock him back into reality. His head shot up, his eyes suddenly wide open. He was leaning over Ishida’s body in seconds, his unoccupied hand moving through his hair as he whispered softly. “Ishida? Can you hear me? Come on, Ishi, wake up for me.” Ichigo made an almost whimpering sound when he saw Ishida’s eyes flutter before closing, the movements stopping. “Please, Ishida, please, wake up.”

He couldn’t stop himself then, his hand smoothing Ishida’s hair back from his face as he leaned down, pressing his lips against the others unmoving ones. There were tears trailing down Ichigo’s cheeks as he kissed Ishida, landing wetly on the sleeping teens face he held him as close as possible with all the tubes and monitors attached to him barring them from each other. The kiss was full of passion and worry and…desperation. Ichigo needed Ishida to wake up, he needed him to respond, he needed his friends lips to warm and move against his own…he needed to feel he was alive…please…just a movement…just a shift…please…

Ichigo couldn’t help the whimper when all movements stopped again, the heart rate monitor stopping it’s frantic beat and going back to the dull bleep it had been for a week. A sob escaped his throat as his head fell, thumping against Ishida’s chest. He gripped the pale mans shoulders after that, finally breaking and shaking him, crying out in a tear drenched voice. “Wake up Ishida! Just wake up! Stop hiding from it!” His words were stuttered out between sobs and coughs, his entire body shaking from the tumulus emotions roiling through it. He almost screamed when he felt hands on him, pulling him away from Ishida’s frail body. “Let me go!” He was struggling against the arms, whimpers and cries coming from his throat as he was pushed onto a bed and strapped down, one of his arms held immobile by the burly medic. “No! Let me go! I have to watch him, let me go!” Another panicked noise escaped from his throat when he felt the needle pierce his skin, the cool rush of an injection tingling up his arm. He knew what it was…the sedative they had used on him that first night when the…dream had happened. Then he was out cold, his arms and legs strapped to the bed as his breathing evened out. The last words he heard were ‘for his own good’ before he fell into darkness, finally succumbing to the oblivion of sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I woke up to darkness…Black, inky nothingness._

_It was confusing, I couldn’t understand what was happening. I could hear the heart wrenching cries, the feeling of being touched…being kissed, being held._

_I want to wake up, please…let me wake up._

_I want to know who’s doing this to me!_

_No…please…_

_Then the blackness faded, sending me spiraling back into the stark nothingness of my sleep world._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, at least they got him ta sleep.”

The words seemed to be distorted…like they were being filtered through a malfunctioning sound system or broken computer speakers. Ichigo couldn’t seem to focus, the world seemed to be spinning and pulsing, moving with a life of it’s own. He didn’t even know if his eyes were open or not…he couldn’t think well enough to manually move them or even raise his hand to check.

“But they had to restrain him to do so, apparently.”

Ahhh…that was Chad’s voice…he must be here with Renji, they were always together, like they were attached at the hip. Ichigo jumped when a hand thumped on his chest, his world suddenly snapping into focus. “Guhhh.” It was the only word he could get out as he felt the bonds being removed from his arms and legs, big hands shifting him up into a sitting position.

“Welcome back ta the world o’ the livin’ Kid.” Renji said, grinning as he dropped Ishida’s school bag in Ichigo’s lap. “Brought a present for ya.” The read head said, moving to drop into Chad’s lap with a yawn. He stretched a bit before leaning back into the others broad chest, watching Ichigo shake himself awake while he opened the bag.

Ichigo yawned widely as he reached into the bag, looking for Ishida’s planner. He was still tired but felt more refreshed then he had in a long time. He knew it hadn’t been more then a week but…it felt like he hadn’t slept for months. “I just need to find his planner.” He murmured, making a triumphant noise when he found the small, leather bound book he had seen Ishida writing in, thinking it was the planner he wrote all his classes and assignments in. “I need to figure out what his classes are so I can get…” His sentence trailed off when he opened the book, reading just a few lines of what was inside with a shocked look on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I finally stopped dragging my feet today. I know it was probably asinine but I had to see if they would help…if the drugs would help._

_They did…so much._

_The payment, on the other hand, hadn’t been what I was expecting. I had money in my pocket but he told me he wanted something else…something that wouldn’t cost me a thing._

_I agreed of course, I’m a college student…I need all the money I can get._

_It had hurt…it felt like he was ripping me apart from the inside out but…he said it always hurt the first time. That was what sex was…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The words were all there, written neatly, separated by dates and times, experiences and sensations. Ichigo couldn’t believe it…Ishida would never do something like that, he wasn’t capable of it. “No…no, this has to be fake…Ishida would never do this…” His best friend was too smart for this…he would never throw his life away for drugs and sex…never. He didn’t even notice the way Renji and Chad had reacted to his whispered words, he just flipped the page, his eyes widening at what he read next.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_It was a shock…the first time he punched me. I had only done one thing wrong…I had only done it one time._

_I cried out the wrong name._

_It had just been so intense…it was the first time the sex had ever felt good. I couldn’t help but think of the person I actually wanted doing this to me. I couldn’t stop from crying out his name when I came._

_Ichigo…_

_Grimmjow had not taken kindly to that…_

_The sex for the rest of that night was closer to rape than sex…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ichigo had to stop reading that entry, his eyes closing as he shuddered a bit, snapping the journal closed. He jerked when he was touched, just moving and standing, opening the book to another random entry as he paced the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_He caught me today…well, almost._

_I almost freaked out when he stopped me on the threshold to my room, asking me why I looked so pale…why I had been acting so sick for the past few days._

_I had to lie to him…Ichigo couldn’t know what I did…He couldn’t know how I was slowly killing myself…_

_I told him I was just fighting a bout of insomnia…that finals were getting to me._

_I couldn’t tell him just how rough alcohol poisoning actually was…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ichigo threw down the journal at that, a sound of disbelief coming from his throat. “No! This can’t be true!” It was hitting him even harder, the reality of the situation, just what Ishida had been doing to himself. He hadn’t believed it…not at all but…he could remember that. He remembered exactly when that had happened on that day, how disbelieving he had felt even then. “No…” His hands went to his hair, tugging a bit as he paced the room, trying to think of any other reason the journal could be fake. “Ishida isn’t like that!”

Ichigo didn’t even notice when Chad and Renji picked up the journal, reading the entry that had made him snap. They had similar looks of disbelief on their faces. It was unbelievable…and if they had read it two weeks ago, they would of thought it was a fake just like Ichigo did. But…with the way Ishida was now…how they had found him…they had to believe it.

They were all too caught up in their own disbelief and shock…then in trying to calm Ichigo down to notice anything else happening in the room. They had pulled Ichigo back onto the bed, touching him softly, embracing him comfortingly to try to calm him down. They didn’t even notice when it happened…what they had been waiting for, for a week.

Bleary blue eyes opened to the sight of Ichigo pushing away from the other two men, tears streaming down his face as he kicked the hospital bed. Ishida coughed softly at that, speaking with a rusting, unused voice, almost too soft to be heard. “Ichigo…”

Three sets of shocked eyes focused on him…right before his world faded into black again.


	4. Falling Deeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ishida is released from the hospital into the Kurosaki's care. When he's released from their care, he walks away and disappears only to reappear two weeks later, not at all where he expected.

Ichigo was the first to reach Ishida, one hand hitting the call button as the other went to Ishida’s face, pushing the feathery blue black hair back from the others pale forehead. “Please stay awake this time…please.” He sounded desperate, his hand shaking as he hit the call button over and over. His heart was pounding in his chest, causing him to pant and shake a bit. He didn’t care what Ishida did before…he didn’t care how badly he had treated himself, al he cared was that Ishida was awake and talking…Ishida was alive.

Ishida looked up, confusion clear on his features as he reached up, touching Ichigo’s hand that was still settled on his cheek. “Ichigo…what’s wrong?” He asked, blinking a few times as he tried to remember exactly how he had gotten here. “What happened?” He swallowed a bit, trying to push himself into a sitting position but failing. His bones felt like jelly and he didn’t particularly like it. “Did I get hurt?” The words sounded almost childish, the way they were said so naively and innocently, like Ishida really didn’t know anything that had happened…anything that he had done to himself.

Chad suddenly jerked away from Renji, pushing Ichigo back and grabbing Ishida, literally shaking him. It was very rare that he showed his anger, well, that he showed any emotion so the outburst was even more shocking. The big man growled as he yanked Ishida up, looking square in his eyes. “What happened? You fucking drank and drugged yourself into a coma!” He let him go after that, letting Ishida’s body fall back against the bed with a thump. “You did this to yourself! Do you think it was such a good idea now?! Do you think ruining yourself like that was a good idea?!” Chad was being pulled back after that, Renji’s arms wrapped securely around his bigger frame as he tugged him away from the seemingly shell shocked man on the bed.

Ishida blinked at that, looking very, very confused. “I did what?” He asked, wincing a bit as he sat up, his muscles feeling unused and sore. “You guys have be kidding.” He said, pulling a hand through his hair. “I don’t drink…I don’t do drugs…you guys know me better then that.” He looked genuinely confused, making the three other man in the room confused also.

“Bullshit.” Ichigo suddenly said, picking the journal up and tossing it on Ishida’s lap. “Four and a half months, four and a half fucking months you’ve been paying for drugs with sex, how long did you think it would take us to find out? Really? Did you think we wouldn’t fucking notice?!” He looked enraged as he reached down, flipping open the journal to the first entry, jabbing at the page. “This is yours, your handwriting, your words, your journal! How do you explain that?!” Ichigo was literally shaking with repressed anger as he pointed at the journal again. “This is the way you decided to start a new year? Drugging yourself until you came home and passed out?!”

Ishida’s hands shook as he looked down at the journal, reading the first entry with wide eyes before flipping it to the last entry, his eyes narrowing in confusion. “But…it can’t be…the new year…it’s not for another week…” He looked up at Ichigo at that, snapping the journal shut. “Why would you do something like this? Why would you make something up like this? I thought we were friends!” Ishida was throwing the journal back at Ichigo then, becoming angry at his friend because of his own confusion. “Why would you fabricate this! I’d never do that!”

“What tha hell are ya talkin’ about?” It was Renji that spoke this time, pushing himself up from where he had been sitting on Chad’s lap, his own eye brows furrowed in slight anger. “Pretending like you don’t remember ain’t gonna work on all of us, Ishida, you fucked up bad now ya have at answer for it.” He reached down, his big hand wrapping around Ishida‘s wrist and tugging his arm out straight from his body, showing the needle marks on his inner elbow . “See those, those are track marks, do ya care to explain that?!”

Ishida reached down, his fingers touching the marks as he swallowed nervously, shaking as he got even more and more frustrated. “I did that?” He asked, still sounding and looking very confused. “I…I don’t remember any of it…”

The others in the room looked a bit shocked at that before all starting to speak at once, throwing around accusations and disbelieving remarks as they looked down at Ishida. None of them could believe Ishida didn’t remember, if he didn’t want to admit it, that was a different thing but pretending he didn’t remember what he had done to himself was more the wrong. He needed to live up to it, he had spent enough time hiding from it already. There were all silenced when the door opened and closed, a soft but slightly scary voice breaking through the din.

“It’s called amnesia.” The doctor said in her soft voice, walking to the bed and pushing Ishida back into a lying position. “We were worried about this happening.” She murmured, a small smile on his face, her long brown hair braided to the front instead of to the back like normal. “Don’t worry Uryuu, I’m sure you will be just fine, we have made it so you shouldn’t have any withdrawal symptoms but you will just be weak for a little while, you were asleep for a week.” She moved to undo the IV’s then, shushing softly when Ishida started to panic a bit, trying to pull back from her hands, mumbling something about his memories and his life. “I’m sure you’re memories will come back, you just have to give it time.” Unohana said, smiling again. “I’m Unohana Retsu, I’ll be your doctor until you are cleared to leave, now please rest, we will bring you some light food later.”

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Ishida was released from the hospital a week later his body having recovered wonderfully from the near fatal overdose. He had read the journal over and over again, barely able to believe he had ever done something like that. It was a shock…not remembering it. He knew he had been thinking about it but…he had never, never, never thought he would act on it and if he did, he never thought he would do it in such a big way. He had been released into the Kurosaki’s care to make sure he didn’t back slide and start using again…which he didn’t. He didn’t know what had pushed him to it in the first place but he couldn’t believe he would just start doing it again. It was far too self destructive and…just stupid. No, there was no worry he wasn’t going to do drugs again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was released from their care just a couple weeks later, they all believed he was reformed and wasn’t going to use again…he…wasn‘t so sure though. He had been having flashbacks…like little movies playing in his head and most of them weren‘t pleasant. He could see the pain…the abuse…the glimpses of his fathers face and one he didn’t recognize…a blue haired man he couldn’t recall. Ishida sighed as he walked down the street, his arms wrapped around his own body in a purely protective fashion. He had been walking for hours, trying to sort through all the conflicting memories that he couldn’t understand. It was like a puzzle missing the most important pieces that would never be whole until those pieces were found. He would never be whole until all his pieces were found. Another sigh escaped his throat as he turned, taking a familiar but not fully remembered route, he just needed more time to think without someone trying to force him to talk…to express his feelings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What the hell do you mean you’re done looking for him!?” Ichigo’s fists hit the detectives desk hard enough to rattle the computer as he looked at him, panting harshly anger and frustration clear on his face. “He’s only been out of the hospital four weeks! He’s gone, he disappeared the night he was released from MY care and you’re saying you can’t look for him anymore? Someone took him, you HAVE to find him!”

“You need to calm down, Mr. Kurosaki.” The black haired detective murmured soothingly, reaching forward to right the name plate that Ichigo had knocked over in his anger. He shifted it so it could be seen from the door again, the name Shuuhei Hisagi etched into the gleaming stainless steel. “I have explained this to you before.” Shuuhei said, standing to lead the irate teen back to his seat. “Ishida Uryuu has chosen to disappear, his own father told us to discontinue the investigation, we can not reopen the file because you think your friend was taken against his will.”

“I don’t think!” Ichigo yelled, pushing the tattooed man back and standing to pace again, his movements twitchy and clearly frustrated. “Ishida wouldn’t just disappear like that, he promised he would see me after he thought, he’d never break a promise!”

“You said your friend was drug addict, right?”

Ichigo growled at that, barely restraining himself from hitting the police officer. He took a deep breath, knowing anger would just get him a count of assault against an officer and that wouldn’t help either of them. “I also told you he was clean, he’s not just going to run away, he was taken, I swear it.”

Shuuhei sighed but shook his head, moving to sit at his desk again. “I am very sorry, Mr. Kurosaki, but there is nothing I can do.” He said, closing the file that was open on his desk, placing it on the basket that read closed. “Ishida Uryuu’s case is officially closed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ishida groaned softly as he woke up, his bleary eyes fluttering open slowly. He shivered a bit, shifting against the cold brick wall he could feel at his back. His entire world was fuzzy, his glasses having been lost when he had been snatched…what was it…almost two weeks ago? He winced a bit as he reached up with his free hand, tugging on the collar that was wrapped almost too tightly around his neck, his other hand was chained to the wall with an unbreakable shackle and very short length of chain, making it where he couldn’t even lay down.

_God…where am I?_

He winced when he moved again, tears of pain and desperation falling from his eyes again and mixing with the blood he could feel trickling down his naked body. Another broken sigh escaped Ishida’s throat when he gave up trying to moved, just leaning against the wall in the dark room, trying not to remember just how he had gotten this way…the pain…the degradation…the humiliation…He jumped when the door opened, the bright light blinding him for a few moments before he heard it again…the voice that had been haunting and abusing him for the past two weeks.

“Have ya figured it out yet?” The man asked, gripping Ishida’s chin painfully before punching him across the face again causing Ishida to spit up more blood, anger clear in his voice as he growled. “No one leaves me, pet.”

_I’m in hell…_


	5. The Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chad, worried about his lovers incessant need to find Ishida, relaxes him in only a way he can. Meanwhile, Grimmjow speaks with a mysterious man about the abuse of Ishida, finally revealing the mastermind behind the entire plan.

“Renji.” Chad murmured softly, laying his hand on the red heads shoulder. The room was dark except for the computer screen that the tattooed man was staring at intently. The alarm clock read 4:13, the bright red numbers stark against the blackness of the dead of night. “What are you doing?” He asked, watching as Renji’s hands flew over the keyboard, not seeming tired at all despite the late hour. The bigger man sighed again as he reached down, stopping his lovers hands before he could type another word. “Stop Renji.” He whispered, pulling the other back from the computer, trying to get him to come to bed…again.

“No.” Renji said, pushing Chad back, his hands shaking from frustration and lack of sleep. “I can’t stop, you know it.” He mumbled, distracted again as he leaned forward, typing yet another search into the computers search engine. “I have to find him…we can’t just leave him out there.”

“It’s been three weeks Renji, even the police have stopped looking.” Chad said, reaching forward and shutting the laptop, much to his boyfriends chagrin. Renji had been constantly searching, combing the internet for signs of Ishida as Ichigo searched the streets, walking the dark paths night after night in search of the pale man. “You have to stop.”

“How can I stop!?” Renji suddenly yelled, pushing up and shoving Chad back, looking almost insane. “Ishida is GONE! He wouldn’t just run away like this!” He was panting by that point, his body shaking as he stood there, watching his love with wide, wild eyes. “Look at what this has done to Ichigo, he’s our best friend! How can you just give up on him?”

Chad moved forward at that, wrapping his arms around Renji’s trembling body. “I’m sorry Renji…I haven’t given up.” He said, walking the red head backwards towards the bed. He wouldn’t finish the sentence, he wouldn’t tell Renji that Ishida had left on his own…he had left not wanting any of them to know where he was going. He knew what his lover needed, he needed to forget, he needed to feel that he was still loved even if he felt worthless right now. “Just let me take care of you Renji, we’ll look again in the morning.” He murmured, his voice deep as he moved the other back a bit, leaning down to kiss him softly. He would do whatever Renji asked…he would look to the end of the world even if he believed Ishida had chosen to disappear. Renji was his world and he would do anything for him.

Renji sighed softly, feeling some of the desperation and panic recede as he was touched by Chad, the others large hands soothing him expertly like they had hundreds of times before. He didn’t struggle when he was laid on the bed, the mouth moving on his pressing harder and hotter, making his mind slow before blanking. It was blissful really, he had been so worried about finding Ishida for weeks that his and Chad’s…relationship had been sorely neglected…more like, it had been nonexistent. This was just his boyfriends way of reaffirming their status with each other, reaffirming how important they were to one another.

Chad released Renji’s hair first, combing his hands through the silky locks as he kissed the other, making sure to keep their lips connected, knowing the embrace would stop the smaller man from thinking for at least a few moments. He was always very careful with the redhead, knowing if he moved too fast, if he didn’t prepare him right, he ran the risk of severely injuring Renji and he never…never wanted to do that. The brown haired man pulled back just a bit, his hands pushing up the others shirt, revealing his scarred chest. Apparently Renji had been a fighter at one time, someone very aggressive and dominate…right up until when Chad had showed him how freeing and…pleasurable submission was.

The next things to go were Renji’s pants, his underwear following moments after. Chad leaned down at that, taking the others length into him mouth without preamble, sucking and licking him just like he knew he liked. Renji was Chad’s main priority now…he was worried if Renji didn’t stop and just relax, he was going to compromise his health. He couldn’t let that happen, Renji was far too important to him. He grinned at the soft cry Renji released, showing his pleasure in the most basic of ways as he arched his hips, pressing his erection deeper into Chad’s warm mouth.

Renji cried out again when he felt one of Chad’s calloused hands on his balls, rubbing and rolling them as he sucked on him, expertly teasing his head and slit. He knew he wouldn’t last long, he never did when Chad focused on him like this, intent on driving him over the edge as fast as possible, as many times as possible. “Anng…Chad!” He cried out when the bigger man suddenly swallowed him down all the way, holding him deep in his throat as he slid his hand down to tease at his entrance, just barely pressing against the fluttering hole.

Chad hummed softly before he pulled back, letting Renji pop out of his mouth with an almost obscene noise. “I know what you want.” He whispered before sliding down a bit more, tilting Renji’s hips up a bit more as he spread his lovers legs, exposing his entrance to him more fully. He leaned down after that, dragging his tongue along the others entrance, reveling in the deep, needy moan he received from Renji. He had to hold his lovers hips down as he licked him, as he prodded against his entrance with his slick tongue, just barely pushing it inside before pulling back and starting the process all over again.

Renji could barely take it, his body shuddering as he arched, trying to get Chad’s tongue deeper inside him, wanting it to touch that most sensitive spot even though he knew it wasn‘t long enough too. He held back as long as he could but he didn’t last for much longer, the large hand moving over his erection as well as the slick tongue moving inside him pushing him over the edge in a record amount of time. He cried out when he came, his entire body shuddering as he pressed up into the others hand, trying to press down into his tongue at the same time. The orgasm left him panting against the bed, his cum splattered across his chest as well as Chad’s hand.

Chad only gave him a few moments to recover before dragging his hand through Renji’s cooling cum, using it as makeshift lube as he started to prepare his lover for his broad length, knowing Renji would need the extra sensation to fully relax and give in to sleep. It wasn’t his only reason though…he knew they both needed this, it had been too long since they were together and they both needed the oblivion that only sex could give them. He went as fast as he could, pressing one, then two and finally three large fingers into Renji’s entrance, spreading him wide and teasing him in the process, just barely touching his prostate before moving his fingers away again. It wasn’t long before he was shifting, pulling off his own clothes before positioning himself at the others entrance, using the rest of Renji’s cum to slick himself before starting to press forward, slowly pushing the wide head of his length into the others body.

As soon as Chad hilted, he pulled back out, starting a rough, hard…mind blowing pace, pressing himself in and out harshly, knowing Renji needed the pleasure laden pain to forget and relax. He pulled Renji into a deep kiss, holding the smaller body close as he thrust into him, moving hard enough to bounce Renji up on the bed each and every time he pounded into him. It was harder then he normally went, his gentle nature not letting him treat Renji this harshly often. He was normally very gentle, he normally took his time and pushed Renji higher and higher until he was begging to be fucked, begging to cum.

Even without the gentle treatment and teasing touches, Renji was begging to cum mere moments later, his hands gripping and scratching at Chad’s shoulders as he pressed up into him, his erection twitching and leaking against his stomach. He arched up, gasping as he scratched down his lovers back, leaving bright red lines in his wake. “Please…Chad…make me cum…” He whined , his head falling back as one particularly hard thrust hit his prostate dead on, making his hardness jump as he cried out. He was getting closer and closer to his edge, feeling like he would cum if only Chad would do more…do something, touch him, bite him…anything.

Chad was panting as he moved, angling himself to brush against Renji’s prostate every time he pushed into his prone body. He knew how close the redhead was to cumming but he wanted to make sure it was explosive…that it broght him right to the edge of passing out…and he knew just how to do that. “Cum for me Renji.” He murmured right before he bit down hard on the smaller mans shoulder, thrusting hard and fast into directly into his prostate, making shocks of pleasure shoot up Renji‘s spine with every movement.

Renji’s nails dug into Chad’s shoulders as he screamed, his legs spreading as he arched up, cumming hard and fast from the overwhelming sensations, the bite pushing him over the edge instantaneously. He could barely breathe as his cum stained their stomachs and chests, leaving him speechless and near passing out just like Chad had planned. He fell back against the bed moments later, his body shaking as he looked up, his eyes bleary as he tried to focus on Chad, his body jerking every time the bigger man pressed inside him, trying to reach his own orgasm.

Chad followed him moments later, hilting hard as he came inside the others body, filling him with his warm cum before collapsing down on top of him, panting hard and fast, his heart feeling like it would pound out of his chest at any moment. He gave Renji a sweet kiss, brushing his hand through the red hair before pulling back with a smile, looking down at his finally dozing lover. “Good night Renji.” He whispered before laying with him, his eyes falling closed as he drifted off…they had what they needed, everything else could wait until the morning.

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_It’s always dark here…or maybe I just can’t see anymore…_

_I can’t tell the days from the night…the only time I leave this room is when he wants me…when he takes me…_

_I can’t do this anymore…._

_I would rather die…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"He won't last much longer." Grimmjow murmured softly, pulling his blood speckled hand through his hair, leaving bright red stripes in the bright blue strands. The room was dark, only lit by the moon that was settled high in the sky, lighting the room with an ethereal glow. Dark lines fell across the white body laying on the ground, the moonlight shining through the bars making the entire effect very foreboding.

"He still has some fight in him." The other man murmured, smoke rising to the ceiling from the smoldering cigarette caught between his lips. He raised his hand, the moonlight glinting off his glasses as he pushed them up his nose, looking down at the battered teen laying at his feet. Ishida was laying sprawled on the ground, the only sign he was still alive the rising and falling of his frail chest. His pale skin was sunken and bruised, his own blood dripping from the numerous cuts and gashes along the delicate surface. He had been brutalized…abused harshly by the man he had used to call master.

“I don’t know how much more I can do without killing him.” The blue haired man said, squatting down beside the prone teen to press his hand against one of the cuts on Ishida’s side, pulling a pained whine from his throat. Grimmjow was mean…a bastard with a haunted and blood stained past but he wasn’t a murderer…not anymore. He wouldn’t kill for this man, no matter how much he paid him…no matter if he was the man that funded his club. He had barely beaten the last murder wrap, he couldn’t get caught up in another one.

“He brought this on himself.” The elder man said, stepping forward, the moonlight glinting off his silver hair before leaving him in the shadows again. “He knew the consequences of his actions.” He reiterated, an evil glint coming to his eyes at the pained sound, he seemed to revel at the pain and despair laid out before him. Ishida deserved this, he had warned him but…the boy had ignored him. Now he had to reap what he sowed.

Grimmjow stood, grinning a bit as he licked animalistically at blood on his hand, a feral smile on his features as his eyes raked over the other mans form…they were so much alike. “Whatever you say.” He murmured seductively, walking up to the other man and dragging his hands up his chest, tugging him close before pulling him into a heated, blood tainted kiss. “Anything for you.” He rasped into the kiss, a pleased noise coming from his throat when control was taken from him, strong hands gripping in his hair as his mouth was plundered. He gasped when he was released, almost falling back before grinning and speaking. “Ryuuken.”


	6. Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ishida is punished by his father as his friends get closer and closer to finding him. But, will they be in time?

“Now, you’ll let me deal with my son.” Ryuuken said, dropping his cigarette and snuffing it out with his boot. One of his hands went to Grimmjow’s chest, pushing him back as he tugged at his own tie. “You will guard that door.” The silver haired man murmured, dropping his tie to the ground as he pushed Grimmjow back towards the door again. “You will not open that door, no matter what you hear until I unlock it, understood?” He was working on unbuttoning his shirt as he waited for Grimmjow’s response, slowly revealing his pale chest to the staring drug dealer. The nod that he received was good enough for him; he finished stripping out of his shirt before nudging Grimmjow out the door. “Do not open the door.” The door was slammed in Grimmjow’s face after that, the ominous sound of a lock clicking the last sound heard for what seemed like very long moments.

Grimmjow turned around after that, just leaning his back against the door as he crossed his arms over his chest. His body was still speckled with blood, his bare chest covered in red, scratch marks along with a bit of his own blood. He had never tied Ishida up when he took him, he enjoyed the struggling, it always made when the teen gave in all that much more sweet. He wiped a bit at some of the blood on his hands, wincing instinctively at the first, highly pained scream he heard echo from the room before the noises were clearly muffled. Grimmjow knew just how…rough Ryuuken could be when he was mad…and he was definitely mad right now. Uryuu had apparently broke a major rule in their household and it was up to Ryuuken to remind him just who was in charge. He winced again at the short pained cry that apparently escaped the muffling hand along with a crack that he didn’t want to know what it was. He just hoped that Ryuuken wasn’t the one to kill the already fragile teen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I have to be dying now…_

_For this to happen…I have to be in hell…_

_What did I do to deserve this?_

_What kind of twisted person could ever think that anyone could deserve this?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a thump before footsteps could be heard, well…running footsteps. Renji skidded into the living room just seconds later, panting as he held his computer in his hands. He looked…happy…almost, more like, he looked insane to the other men in the room. Chad and Ichigo just blinked at him, leaning back a bit when he grinned widely. “I found him.” He said, jumping between the two males on the couch and pointing at the computer screen. “Well…I think I did. I put out; well…you could call it a BOLO for him. Be on the look out, that’s what BOLO means.” He was rambling a bit, showing just how tired he really was getting. “I got a message back, apparently this girl saw Ishida going into this club all the time and going off with this real big shit around there…apparently the guy is real into dealing drugs and taking sex for it, this is where we need to look for him.” He poked the screen for emphasis, looking between the other two.

“But what if you’re wrong?” Ichigo asked, sighing as he sat back. “What if that girl was just trying to get you to come out to that club? It just doesn’t seem like somewhere Ishida would go.” He murmured, pulling his hand through his hair with a groan. “I mean…Ishida’s just not like that…” He still couldn’t believe it…any of it. Even if he had gone through the rehab with Ishida and had seen him go into withdrawals, he couldn’t believe it.

“Yeah and he didn’t seem like the type of person that would sell his body for drugs either.” Renji said, shaking his head a bit. “You can’t go by that anymore, Ichigo, Ishida is not the person that you thought he was, we can’t just say, that’s not something Ishida would do…we don’t know what he would do anymore.” He reached out to touch Ichigo softly, sighing when the normally outgoing teen jerked away from his touch, looking towards the door and away from him. There was a few more moments of heavy silence, the tension in the room so think that they could cut it with a knife before Ichigo spoke again, sounding defeated.

“Fine…what do we have to do?”

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_I had trouble breathing after it…_

_I think he broke my sternum…or my ribs…I’m not sure which…_

_I know he broke my arm…I can’t move it anymore…well, I can…but it hurts like hell…maybe just a fracture…_

_But I can’t breathe…every time I try…the blood catches in my throat…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grimmjow jumped when the lock clicked open, stepping away from the door just in time before it opened. He watched as Ryuuken walked out, slipping his glasses back on, looking just as pristine as he had when he had walked in just a few hours ago. The only thing that gave away what he just done was the specks of blood on his hands and the choking breaths he could hear coming from the other room. “You didn’t kill him, did you?” He asked, crossing his arms as he looked up and down the other man.

“No and you can clearly hear that.” Ryuuken said, roughly grabbing Grimmjow around the neck and slamming him back against the wall with a dull thud. “You’ll leave him right there, do you understand me? I’m a doctor, I know he won’t die.” He said, squeezing hard enough to create bruises on Grimmjow’s neck and cut off his breathing. “If you move him, if you try to patch him up or if you try to take him to the hospital, I’ll kill you.” He said, kissing Grimmjow roughly before pulling back and letting him go. “Go get a shower and get yourself ready, your club opens soon.”

Grimmjow was just gasping as he watched Ryuuken walk back into the room where Ishida was being held, his hand coming up to his neck right after the door slammed shut. “Crazy son of a bitch…why do I put up with him?” Grimmjow asked himself as he walked away, headed for his room to get cleaned up like Ryuuken had told him too. “Ohhh…that’s right…because he can make me scream while fucking me into the bed.” He slammed his door behind him after that, still grumbling as he moved to get ready.

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_I found out…the blood stopped when I stopped trying to move._

_I should have known that he was in on this…he had always told me…when you fuck up; I’ll be there to beat reality back into you…_

_Well….Ryuuken had certainly beaten something into me…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Ichigo asked, swallowing nervously as he looked up at the clubs entrance, trying to tug down the shirt that barely met the waist band of his overly tight jeans. Renji had dressed them up in ‘club clothes’…if they could be called clothes at all. They were tight and barely there, they had more holes then they should have but apparently they were what all the club goers were wearing…and they were. Ichigo sighed as he looked around, seeing people dressed fairly similar to him standing in line waiting to get into the club. “Are you sure we’ll even get in?”

Renji just grinned and grabbed Ichigo’s hand, knowing Chad would follow behind him and he wouldn’t mind what he was just about to do. “Trust me, I’ll get us in.” The red head murmured, stepping up to the bouncer and yanking Ichigo into his arms. His hands slid down to grip the orange haired male’s ass as he pulled him into a heated kiss full of tongue and teeth. The kiss lasted for longer then any ‘fake’ kiss should but…Renji wanted to make it look real. The bouncer had to know they were willing to do anything for what they wanted. He grinned at the slightly gazed look in Ichigo’s eyes when he pulled back, his eyes slitted as he looked up at the bouncer. The big man standing at the door adjusted himself before waving them inside with a sausy grin and an arch of his eyebrow, having liked what he saw.

Chad grabbed Renji as soon as they were inside the club, his hand pulling his lover’s red hair as he pulled him into a dominating kiss. He knew Renji had, had to do it to get them in but he still needed to remind the fire cracker who he belonged too. They apparently got lost in the kiss because it was at least five minutes later when Ichigo was pulling them apart with an irritated groan, looking up with equally annoyed and nervous eyes.

“Can we get back to the point now?” Ichigo asked, swallowing as he looked around the club, jerking away when someone tried to pull him into a dance, pressing closer to Renji and Chad. “We need to find Ishida…we aren’t here to dance and make out.” He said, tugging on Chad’s arm before gesturing to Renji. “We know he was getting drugs here…so we need to get to the guy that hands out the drugs.” He said, looking around. “Do either of you know how to do that?” Ichigo sighed when Renji just shrugged, looking just as lost as Ichigo.

“Do I look like the type of guy who needs drugs?”

Chad stopped Ichigo from shooting back a scathing comment, pointing towards a dark hallway. “We need to go that way.” He cocked his head when the other two looked at him rather confused, sighing slightly. “I asked, now let’s go.” He said, grabbing Ichigo and Renji, pulling them towards the hallway.

They were told to wait when they got there…something which Ichigo really, really didn’t like. He was pacing back and forth, looking very much like a junkie needing a high badly. “So…we know he got his drugs from here now.” He said, pushing his hair back from his face as he looked around. “But how can we know he’s still here now?” He asked, twitching for a few more moments before stilling suddenly when he heard slow, measured footsteps clicking down the hall. His eyes widened when he saw a man with bright blue hair turn into the hallway. He had bright blue eyes along with some type of makeup under them, making them look even…bluer. He also had a rather strange tattoo on the side of his face…something that looked like a skeletal jaw over his real jaw…it was just…strange. He swallowed nervously when the mystery man spoke, pressing back against the wall a bit.

“Hello…what can I get you and how are you paying for it?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_They have no idea how close they are to me…_

_But still so far away…_


	7. The Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After striking out at the club when they went to look for Ishida, Ichigo finds a second journal in Ishida's desk. This one gives them a vital clue on where they can find their friend. They just don't know if they'll make it on time.
> 
> There will be an ALTERNATE version of this chapter posted. This is the CANON ending to this chapter. The two chapters will be different under the dashed line: -------------------------

“What the fuck do you think we want?!”

Ichigo looked shocked when Renji moved suddenly, knocking the blue haired man back against the wall hard enough to make his head impact with a solid thud. He stood, frozen, for a few more moments before pushing away from the wall and grabbing Renji before he could hurt the stranger any more. “Come on Renji, we don’t even know if this is the right guy.” He said, tugging Renji backwards hard before his fist could impact Grimmjow’s tattooed jaw. He knew it would not be a good idea to beat the guy up before they got him to talk or he wouldn’t talk and they would never find Ishida.

“Didn’t you read his fucking journal?!” Renji yelled, suddenly turning on Ichigo and pushing him back. “Ohhh, yeah, that’s right, you couldn’t because you wouldn’t believe it!” He spun around towards Grimmjow again, grabbing him before he could walk away and pushing him back against the wall. “Bright blue hair…pale skin, wacky skeletal jaw on the side of his face…this IS the guy.” He said, almost spitting on Grimmjow before deciding to grab his jaw roughly, turning his head to show the tattoo. “This is the guy that fucking drugged him then raped him!” He yanked hard before pulling away, causing Grimmjow’s neck to snap painfully. “We want Ishida and you know it!”

Grimmjow winced, reaching up touch his already abused neck as he stood there. He hadn’t expected the boys the find Ishida…well, to find him so fast and he definitely hadn’t expected to be recognized because the boy described him so well in that damned journal he wrote. “Well, I don’t believe it could be called rape since he asked for it.” He murmured, grinning ferally. He didn’t even wince when he was smacked across the face, having expected it. He rubbed his jaw, the infuriating grin still there as he watched the clearly pissed off teens standing across from him. “But you’re going to have to tell me which Ishida you’re looking for before I can help you at all.”

Ichigo actually let go of Renji at those words, looking fairly shocked at Grimmjow’s words. “You have both of them?” He asked, his eyes wide from the revelation. He jerked when he was shaken from behind, Chad’s way of forcing him back to reality before he even tried speaking again. “So you admit you have him? What the fuck are you doing to him? He’s not going to take drugs anymore, he promised and now you’re fucking him up again?!” He was clearly angry now, his own hands in fists as he advanced on the blue haired man. The quickly controlled look of utter sadness on Grimmjow’s face made Ichigo stop and tilt his head a bit as he tried to understand it. “Come on…just tell us where he is.” He said, his voice a lot calmer as he stayed where he was, only half way noticing when Chad pulled Renji into his arms.

Grimmjow looked away, his arms crossed over his chest as he debated what to say. He didn’t ever want to admit it to Ryuuken but…he liked Uryuu…he didn’t want the kid to die and he knew he would if he went much longer without medical attention of some kind. He swallowed before blanking his face and looking back at the orange haired teen that looked more depressed now then angry. “Ishida Uryuu is…in the care of his father, Ishida Ryuuken…” He wanted the teen to be saved but he also knew that he couldn’t betray Ryuuken. He knew first hand just what the elder Ishida’s anger was like…just how bad his ‘toy’ was injured when he was upset…he was just glad he wasn’t the toy right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Grimmjow…_

_Bright blue hair…_

_Matching eyes…_

_The strange, skeletal jaw on the side of his face…_

_He might be gorgeous…but he’s the worst mistake I ever made…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There has to be something here.” Ichigo murmured, looking through the obsessively neat desk in Ishida’s bedroom. Ever since that night at the club, he had been searching for Ishida just as maniacally as Renji was. He knew something was wrong…Ishida hated his father so why would he willingly decide to let his father take care of him? It just didn’t make sense, Ishida had been perfectly happy at his house…why would he disappear one night and decide to stay with his dad without even giving him a phone call? It just wasn’t right.

“What’s this?” Ichigo said softly, pulling out another journal that looked very much like the one they had found in Ishida’s school bag. He fell back on the back and flipped open the journal to random page, swallowing nervously as he started to read. The last time he had read one of Ishida’s journals; his life had totally changed…what was going to happen this time?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“His dad was abusing him.”

Renji and Chad both jumped when the journal was dropped on the couch between them, the sudden opening of the door an Ichigo’s swift movements hadn’t surprised them but the sudden outburst had. “Why do you say that?” Chad asked, picking up the journal and flipping it open lazily.

“Just read some of that journal, almost every other damned page talks about what that bastard was doing to him! It’s no surprise he turned to drugs!” Ichigo said, his arms flailing a bit as he looked between the brunette and red head. His heart was beating like crazy and his breath was panting. He was so upset, he didn’t know what to do…but he knew they had to find Ishida and NOW.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_My father…can I really call him that anymore?_

_My father…he’s the one that drove me to this…_

_It’s his fault I started doing drugs…his abuse…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was actually fairly easy to find Ishida after reading the new journal. Once they had gotten through all the descriptions of his abuse and what had driven him to drugs, they found a small, almost unreadable, note in the corner.

_If I go missing, I know where he would keep me…the basement of the club, in a room with only one window and one entrance…my own personal hell…_

Once they got into the club again, they went straight for the hallway they had met Grimmjow in earlier. The blue haired man was nowhere to be found but there was traces of new paint on the walls…that looked conspicuously like arrows and who were they not to follow them? They found the room at the end of a dark hall, the only room with a single entrance…and a padlock. It was Chad that decided to take the easy way and just knock down the door…something neither Ichigo or Renji had ever knew the silent giant was capable of.

Ichigo almost flew into the room, skidding to the ground and falling hard on his knees. He pulled Ishida’s nonresponsive body into his arms, a whine coming from his throat as he noticed all the blood…too much blood and how…cold Ishida was. “Come on Ishida…we have you please…Ishida…” The tears were flowing again as he held the other teen to his body, trying to warm him from his own body heat. He was too cold…he needed to be warmed up…he couldn’t go through this…not again…please…not again “We’re here…Uryuu…we’re here…”

_______________________________

The spluttering breath made Ichigo jump before smiling widely and holding Ishida even closer. “Yes, that’s it, just breathe, we have you now.” He rocked Ishida a bit, looking up with a appreciative look on his face when Chad laid his rather large jacket over Ishida’s trembling form. He mouthed the words thank you before tucking the jacket tighter around Ishida body as he pulled the pale teen farther into his lap. “You’ll be ok, we’re going to get you out of here, just keep breathing…I have you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ichigo refused to go to sleep at the hospital this time; he didn’t want to have another…dream like before. He was going to stay awake until he got to see Ishida again…until he got to see him alive and breathing again. It was a remarkably short time before he was being led back into the ICU, the nurse speaking softly to him as they walked. He knew it wasn’t normal for people to be allowed in the ICU but he was told he was a special case…he was being asked for and Ishida was getting far too agitated without him there. He smiled when he walked into the room, gently sliding his hand around Ishida’s and looking down at him. “It’s ok Uryuu…I’m here for you, just calm down.”

Ishida looked up with slightly panicked eyes, the heart rate monitor beating rapidly showing just how…upset and out of sorts he was. “You’re really here?” He asked, sniffling a bit as his eyes filled with tears. “You really saved me?” He murmured, wincing and gasping when he tried to take a deep breath. He had four broken ribs along with other damage to his body…including a broken left arm. “Ichigo…” He didn’t care about the pain right now though, he needed his best friend…he needed to know this wasn’t all just a very good dream. “Is this real?”

“It’s real.” Ichigo said softly, brushing his hand through Ishida’s hair as he leaned down a bit, knowing the Ishida’s eyes had to hurt since he hadn’t had his glasses in such a long time. “We saved you…we’ll protect you so calm down Uryuu, I’m here for you.” He smiled again at that before looking slightly confused when Ishida pulled him a bit closer. He cocked his head a bit, his cheeks starting to heat up from how close their faces were. “Uryuu?”

“Prove it.” Ishida said softly, tilting his head up a bit more. “Prove to me this is real…kiss me.” He murmured, letting his eyes flutter closed.

Ichigo smiled and leaned closer, barely brushing their lips together. He hadn’t been expecting it but he was more then happy to oblige as it was something he had wanted to do for such a long time. “My pleasure.” He said before dipping his head down.


	8. The Rescue (ALTERNATE)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After striking out at the club when they went to look for Ishida, Ichigo finds a second journal in Ishida's desk. This one gives them a vital clue on where they can find their friend. They just don't know if they'll make it on time.
> 
> This is the ALTERNATE version of chapter 7. This is NOT the CANON ending to this chapter. The two chapters will be different under the dashed line: -------------------------

“What the fuck do you think we want?!”

Ichigo looked shocked when Renji moved suddenly, knocking the blue haired man back against the wall hard enough to make his head impact with a solid thud. He stood, frozen, for a few more moments before pushing away from the wall and grabbing Renji before he could hurt the stranger any more. “Come on Renji, we don’t even know if this is the right guy.” He said, tugging Renji backwards hard before his fist could impact Grimmjow’s tattooed jaw. He knew it would not be a good idea to beat the guy up before they got him to talk or he wouldn’t talk and they would never find Ishida.

“Didn’t you read his fucking journal?!” Renji yelled, suddenly turning on Ichigo and pushing him back. “Ohhh, yeah, that’s right, you couldn’t because you wouldn’t believe it!” He spun around towards Grimmjow again, grabbing him before he could walk away and pushing him back against the wall. “Bright blue hair…pale skin, wacky skeletal jaw on the side of his face…this IS the guy.” He said, almost spitting on Grimmjow before deciding to grab his jaw roughly, turning his head to show the tattoo. “This is the guy that fucking drugged him then raped him!” He yanked hard before pulling away, causing Grimmjow’s neck to snap painfully. “We want Ishida and you know it!”

Grimmjow winced, reaching up touch his already abused neck as he stood there. He hadn’t expected the boys the find Ishida…well, to find him so fast and he definitely hadn’t expected to be recognized because the boy described him so well in that damned journal he wrote. “Well, I don’t believe it could be called rape since he asked for it.” He murmured, grinning ferally. He didn’t even wince when he was smacked across the face, having expected it. He rubbed his jaw, the infuriating grin still there as he watched the clearly pissed off teens standing across from him. “But you’re going to have to tell me which Ishida you’re looking for before I can help you at all.”

Ichigo actually let go of Renji at those words, looking fairly shocked at Grimmjow’s words. “You have both of them?” He asked, his eyes wide from the revelation. He jerked when he was shaken from behind, Chad’s way of forcing him back to reality before he even tried speaking again. “So you admit you have him? What the fuck are you doing to him? He’s not going to take drugs anymore, he promised and now you’re fucking him up again?!” He was clearly angry now, his own hands in fists as he advanced on the blue haired man. The quickly controlled look of utter sadness on Grimmjow’s face made Ichigo stop and tilt his head a bit as he tried to understand it. “Come on…just tell us where he is.” He said, his voice a lot calmer as he stayed where he was, only half way noticing when Chad pulled Renji into his arms.

Grimmjow looked away, his arms crossed over his chest as he debated what to say. He didn’t ever want to admit it to Ryuuken but…he liked Uryuu…he didn’t want the kid to die and he knew he would if he went much longer without medical attention of some kind. He swallowed before blanking his face and looking back at the orange haired teen that looked more depressed now then angry. “Ishida Uryuu is…in the care of his father, Ishida Ryuuken…” He wanted the teen to be saved but he also knew that he couldn’t betray Ryuuken. He knew first hand just what the elder Ishida’s anger was like…just how bad his ‘toy’ was injured when he was upset…he was just glad he wasn’t the toy right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Grimmjow…_

_Bright blue hair…_

_Matching eyes…_

_The strange, skeletal jaw on the side of his face…_

_He might be gorgeous…but he’s the worst mistake I ever made…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There has to be something here.” Ichigo murmured, looking through the obsessively neat desk in Ishida’s bedroom. Ever since that night at the club, he had been searching for Ishida just as maniacally as Renji was. He knew something was wrong…Ishida hated his father so why would he willingly decide to let his father take care of him? It just didn’t make sense, Ishida had been perfectly happy at his house…why would he disappear one night and decide to stay with his dad without even giving him a phone call? It just wasn’t right.

“What’s this?” Ichigo said softly, pulling out another journal that looked very much like the one they had found in Ishida’s school bag. He fell back on the back and flipped open the journal to random page, swallowing nervously as he started to read. The last time he had read one of Ishida’s journals; his life had totally changed…what was going to happen this time?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“His dad was abusing him.”

Renji and Chad both jumped when the journal was dropped on the couch between them, the sudden opening of the door an Ichigo’s swift movements hadn’t surprised them but the sudden outburst had. “Why do you say that?” Chad asked, picking up the journal and flipping it open lazily.

“Just read some of that journal, almost every other damned page talks about what that bastard was doing to him! It’s no surprise he turned to drugs!” Ichigo said, his arms flailing a bit as he looked between the brunette and red head. His heart was beating like crazy and his breath was panting. He was so upset, he didn’t know what to do…but he knew they had to find Ishida and NOW.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_My father…can I really call him that anymore?_

_My father…he’s the one that drove me to this…_

_It’s his fault I started doing drugs…his abuse…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was actually fairly easy to find Ishida after reading the new journal. Once they had gotten through all the descriptions of his abuse and what had driven him to drugs, they found a small, almost unreadable, note in the corner.

_If I go missing, I know where he would keep me…the basement of the club, in a room with only one window and one entrance…my own personal hell…_

Once they got into the club again, they went straight for the hallway they had met Grimmjow in earlier. The blue haired man was nowhere to be found but there was traces of new paint on the walls…that looked conspicuously like arrows and who were they not to follow them? They found the room at the end of a dark hall, the only room with a single entrance…and a padlock. It was Chad that decided to take the easy way and just knock down the door…something neither Ichigo or Renji had ever knew the silent giant was capable of.

Ichigo almost flew into the room, skidding to the ground and falling hard on his knees. He pulled Ishida’s nonresponsive body into his arms, a whine coming from his throat as he noticed all the blood…too much blood and how…cold Ishida was. “Come on Ishida…we have you please…Ishida…” The tears were flowing again as he held the other teen to his body, trying to warm him from his own body heat. He was too cold…he needed to be warmed up…he couldn’t go through this…not again…please…not again “We’re here…Uryuu…we’re here…”

_______________________________

They were too late.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This can’t be real…” The words were whispered, choked out between sobbing tears.

“Ichigo…I’m so sorry…you tried your be-“

“Shut up! If it had been my best, he would still be alive!” Ichigo yelled through his tears, his hand pointing towards the new tombstone with the name Ishida Uryuu inscribed on it in gothic letters. “This is real! He’s dead Chad…he’s dead and it’s our fault!” Ichigo felt to his knee’s in front of the stone again at that, his entire body bowed as he cried even harder. “This can’t be real…this can’t be real…not this time…it can’t be real…”

“I’m sorry Ichigo…”

_It is real._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_This is the story of how I died…_

_Well, not really, this is the story of how everything I am died…even if I am still a living, breathing human. No one has noticed yet, everyone still sees me as the smart ass know it all but no one see’s it…the way his death affected me…They have no idea how wrong they are. They never see how much I hide. There’s the alcohol…the clubs, the sex…_

_The drugs…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ichigo’s eyes were red rimmed as he looked up at the blue haired man currently over him…this was his escape now…his world. He hadn’t been able to take it…when Ishida had…he had… “Please…make it go away…” It did every time…it always made the memory go away. Ichigo knew he was stuck in a loop…stuck in the endless circle that would never stop…no matter what he did. He was stuck in the endless loop of desperation…and he would die the same way his best friend did…from his own self destruction.

“What do you want?”

The voice was gentle…too gentle and Ichigo knew he wouldn’t do it…he wouldn’t give him what he needed. “I want the dose.” He said, reaching up for the needle in the others hand.

“I won’t kill you.”

Ichigo felt tears welling up in his eyes at that before he retreated again, letting his head fall to the side, his eyes going blank…dead again. “Then I’ll do it myself.”

The fatal dose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_My name is Kurosaki, Ichigo…_

_This will be the last entry in this journal._

_I will see him again…soon._


	9. Happy Ending?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grimmjow is punished for his inability to stop Ichigo from taking Uryuu. But Uryuu is safe in the hospital none the less... right until he gets an unexpected visitor.

“You let them do what?!” Ryuuken roared, his hand impacting Grimmjow’s chest hard enough to knock him back against the wall. He was seething; he had specifically told Grimmjow that Uryuu was to stay where he was and what did the rat bastard do? He let those…those KIDS give him the slip and take his son to god knows where. “You fucking idiot!” His voice was low now, not the scream it had been at but that made it even scarier. An out of control made Ryuuken was no where near as bad as an in control mad Ryuuken. The silver hair man grabbed Grimmjow harshly around the neck, yanking him away from the wall and tossing him down on the bed with a resounding thud.

Grimmjow could already feel the bruises forming on his chest, making his breathing just a bit harder then before. He couldn’t help the soft noise when he was thrown to the bed but he knew better then to try to get up, the next toss would just be more painful. Now…Ryuuken was mad at him, not at Uryuu and he was screwed. “I…” He rubbed his neck a few times; the others grip having surely bruised it also. “I didn’t LET them do anything.” He almost growled out, leaning up on his elbows. “How was I supposed to stop them? I didn’t even know they were here!”

“So you let some teenage boys get the better of you?” Ryuuken asked, his eyes narrowing as he pulled his glasses off, laying them on the table before working on pulling off his tie, letting it fall to the ground. “Maybe I should have kept you locked up in that basement then.” He said menacingly, grinning at the widening of Grimmjow’s eyes, knowing he was frightened now. “Well, now you will have to be punished.”

“Yo…you don’t have to do that…” Grimmjow stuttered out, moving up on the bed a bit, trying to get away from the elder man. “I’ll…I’ll get him back Ryuuken…ju…just give me a chance…” He said, his hands shaking a bit when his back thumped against the headboard. He swallowed a bit as the elder Ishida advanced on him, stripped down to his pants as he crawled up the bed, grabbing Grimmjow’s ankle and pulling him back down the bed harshly, his hand landing against Grimmjow’s chest again, pressing against the tender bruises harshly before pushing him hard against the bed, making the blue haired man grunt again in pain.

“You really don’t think I’m going to let you get away with this, do you?” Ryuuken asked, leaning all his weight on the hand on Grimmjow’s chest to inflict more pain as he reached down, unbuttoning his pants. “You will receive your punishment.” The older man said in a very calm voice as he finished stripping himself, his hand pulling away from Grimmjow’s chest just long enough to roughly flip the blue haired man over, ripping off his pants. His hand settled on the back of Grimmjow’s neck, squeezing harshly as he held down the other man, pushing against him hard.

Grimmjow bit his lip hard enough to split it when he was flipped over, his hands gripping at the bed when he felt himself pulled back and spread open, the strange sensation of air against his now exposed pucker making him shiver. He could feel Ryuuken move behind him, the ominous feeling of the calm before the storm sliding over him. It was like his world was moving in slow motion, his body geared up for the pain he knew was going to come but blissfully painless before it.

And it did hurt.

Bad.

The feeling of Ryuuken slamming into his entirely unprepared body made him scream in agony, his hands gripping hard at the sheets, almost hard enough to rip the flimsy fabric. He knew this couldn’t be called rape…it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with Ryuuken…mostly, he just wasn’t ready for the ripping pain that shot up his spine from the single thrust. It all depended on how mad Ryuuken was how bad it hurt. The man was rarely, if never, gentle. That was normally just fine for Grimmjow because he loved that edge of pain…it always made it feel ohhhh so good. But this…this was pure pain, there was no pleasure…

This was punishment.

Ryuuken used his body ruthlessly, thrusting in and out of him no matter how loud or pained the screams were. This was what Grimmjow got for letting them take Uryuu away; he had told the blue haired man if he let him down, he would be punished…ruthlessly.

Ryuuken never went back on his promises.

He was silent when he came, the only indication he gave of his pleasure a stilted gasp as his warm cum stung and burned Grimmjow’s insides.

Grimmjow had been reduced to pained whimpers, the feeling of the older man coming in him making his eyes water before his aching body fell to the bed, the only movement the rapid rising and falling of his chest. He felt like he was a mass of pain, his entrance being the worse along with his bruised hips and scratched back, some of the nail marks deep enough to draw blood. It was painful but…it wasn’t the worse punishment he had ever gotten, surprisingly. He had expected it to be a lot worse this time…maybe Ryuuken was tired…

Ryuuken moved efficiently, cleaning himself of the blood and cum before sitting sedately on the side of the bed, crossing his legs as he looked back at the abused blue haired man. He reached over to the nightstand, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, taking slow drag as he watched Grimmjow settle more comfortably on the bed. “You know if you report any of this, I will show those videos to the police.”

Grimmjow winced at the words, biting back a whine as he tried to calm down. If Ryuuken showed those video’s he was fucked. He knew he could never be tried again with the evidence the courts had now but if they got those videos…

He would be convicted.

Murder one.

“I understand.” Grimmjow murmured, turning his head away. The video’s showed him killing a man with seemingly no provocation. He had, had plenty but no one had ever seen that. The man had killed his best friend…tortured, raped then killed his best friend…but no one had seen that. He had only beaten the murder wrap with Ryuuken’s help and he knew that the manipulative man could put him in jail just as easily. He had to do everything Ryuuken said…or he lost it all.

“Good…You remember that, Grimmjow.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_A new day..._

_A new life, a new chance to start over…_

_I plan to take advantage of it every chance I get…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ishida woke up to a warm hand holding his and a gentle kiss pressed to his lips, the feeling of slightly moist lips moving over his so gentle it was like they were more a dream them reality. He was slightly confused…no…make that entirely confused but he was pretty sure it was a good situation. He felt pleasantly numb, his body lying against a sinfully soft surface. But…everything would seem soft to him seeing as he was chained to a stone floor for weeks. He just sighed as he sank into the unfamiliar but very nice kiss, trying to think back on exactly what had happened. A gasp escaped his throat when he remembered, a blush coming to his features as the hot kiss from before resurfaced in his mind, the memory ever more vivid because of the gently, exploratory kiss he was engaged in right now. He had actually asked Ichigo to kiss him…and Ichigo had done it…without hesitation and very, very well.

Ichigo pulled back automatically at the gasp, pulling his body away from Ishida’s as he looked down, inspecting the other man. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you...I…I just saw you waking up and I thought you would like…you know…” He had thought the gasp was a gasp of pain and was more then freaking out, not even noticing when Ishida started laughing on the bed, his hand sliding up to tangle in Ichigo’s orange hair.

“You didn’t hurt me.” Ishida murmured, tugging Ichigo down. He was so…pleased that Ichigo would think of that…no one had cared about hurting him in a very long time and it was so nice to know that someone actually cared. “Now just kiss me you lovable fool.” He let his eyes flutter closed when Ichigo did just that, taking his lips in a possessive and needy kiss, nothing like the hesitant, gentle meeting before. This was all heat and want…this was all…desperation.

Ichigo’s hands carded through Ishida’s hair as he kissed him, biting back a moan when the other opened his mouth, allowing him to explore him even more. Ishida’s taste was sweet and biter at the same time, a total contradiction, just like the man himself. Bit Ichigo found himself getting addicted to this taste, craving it as if he would die if he didn’t get it. He had just wanted the other man for so long and now that he had him…he would never give him up. Ishida was his and he was going to keep it that way for a very long time…

“Ichigo, stop molesting Ishida so we can all see ‘im.” Renji was the one that spoke, a grin crossing his features when both of the men pulled back with a blush before glaring at him. “Ahhha, don’t get all mad a’ me, ya had ta know ya would get caught by someone.” The red head said, waiting for Chad to sit before falling into his lap. “So, how ya feelin’ Ishida?”

Ishida glared for a few more moments before responding shifting over enough so that Ichigo could lie beside him, cradling his body gently. “Ahhh…tired…numb, thankfully.” He murmured, causing everyone to chuckle before they broke off into a different conversation, bringing up anything and everything as they all lounged in the hospital room, just taking in each other. It seemed like all too soon though that there was a knock on the door before a nurse walked in, looking at them all pointedly before landing on Ishida with a slightly strained smile.

“Uryuu, you’re father is here and he wishes to see you...privately…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_And a dark cloud settles over my peaceful new world…_


	10. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Against their better judgement, Ryuuken is let into Uryu's room alone. His own brazenness proves to be his downfall when Ichigo can't leave well enough alone and listens at the door, catching Ryuuken when he attempts to exact his punishment on Uryu. Even though Ryuuken thought himself too important to be arrested, he's soon proved wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the FINAL chapter of this story. According to my authors note, this was written after i'd lost interest in the story so i'm sorry if it doesn't give you all the closure you would have wanted!

“We can’t just leave him alone in there!” Ichigo was struggling against Chad as they waited in the well furnished waiting room; he couldn’t believe that they had just left Ishida there for his father to talk to… ALONE. Didn’t they all know that his father had done this to him? How could they leave him alone with the man that had raped him and tried to kill him? It just wasn’t right! “Let me go Chad! He’s going to hurt him! He’s already tried to kill him, don’t you remember that?!”

“Calm down, Ichigo.” Chad murmured calmly, easily holding onto the wriggling teen. Normally he would let Ichigo go but…they had been told not to bother Mr. Ishida with his son or they would be thrown out and not be allowed to come back. “You don’t want to not be able to come back and see him, do you?” He asked, patting Ichigo’s shoulder gently before letting him go. He kept watching him though; he didn’t want him to try escaping…again.

“Can’t we…” Ichigo sighed, looking absolutely dejected as he stood there, his arms wrapping around his body. He had just gotten together with Ishida…well…not exactly yet but they had just started to have the starting of a relationship and now this had happened…what if Ryuuken really hurt him? “Just like…stand outside his…his door or something?” He asked, swallowing a bit. “Just you know…to make sure he’s ok…we don’t have to go in.” He said, biting his lip slightly as he looked up at his friend, his eyes pleading. “Then we…we won’t get kicked out, right?” He asked, looking towards the door again.

Chad sighed but nodded, walking towards Ichigo and touching his shoulder. He looked back at Renji, shrugging slightly. “We’re just going to stand outside his door, ok?” He hummed softly when he received a kiss from the red head. “Inoue and Rukia are supposed to be coming; can you tell them where we are? Try to keep them here though…we really don’t want to be thrown out.” He smiled at the nod he received before walking out of the room with Ichigo, trying to think of how to stop his friend from actually going into the room.

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Ichigo was rather patient…that was until all the noises in Ishida’s room stopped. He pressed his ear against the wall, frowning before looking back at Chad. “He’s not…” He trailed off again, barely hearing the sound of a struggle in the room. Chad couldn’t have stopped him from running into the room then, no matter what he did. The first thing Ichigo saw made him stop dead, his body starting to tremble in anger.

“I told you I would kill you and I meant it.”

Ichigo launched. He couldn’t stand it, Ishida was already hurt! Flashes of Ryuuken speaking to his son, his hand around his neck, choking his own son who was defenseless on a hospital bed…how fucked up was this guy?! “Bastard!” He yelled, literally taking the bigger man down. He was panting as he pinned Ryuuken, punching him as hard as he could across the face. “You should be in jail, you fucking bastard!” He wasn’t ready for when Ryuuken easily flipped their position, cracking Ichigo’s head on the floor hard.

“You piece of trash.” Ryuuken growled out, gripping Ichigo’s hair harshly and lifting his head up, licking the blood trickling from his lip. “You really shouldn’t have done that.” He said, his voice low, menacing as he spoke to Ichigo. “I won’t go to jail, I’m too important to go to jail.” He said, suddenly punching Ichigo across the face again, his already injured head falling back against the ground as he coughed up blood. “I’ll kill you next!” He yelled, finally losing his cool as he brought his fist back, balling his hand tightly as he swung forward again.

The crack echoed through the room.

Ryuuken screamed as he held his hand, his wrist twisted at a very strange angle, clearly broken. He held it to his chest, grunting when he was picked up off Ichigo’s unconscious body.

“He fights for me.” A deep, baritone voice echoed through the room as Ryuuken was suddenly pulled forward. “I fight for him.” The voice belonged to Chad and the punch that he hit Ryuuken with knocked the older Ishida out cold, sending him crashing across the hospital room. “So much for being too important to go to jail.” He murmured, watching as the guards and police rushed into the room.

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_My new life started out… like hell._

_I was so scared when I saw him laying there… my Ichigo laying unconscious on the floor with a pool of blood spreading around his head._

_This was my father’s last act… the last thing he did to destroy me…_

_Why did this have to happen?_

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Ichigo groaned when he woke up, shifting a bit where he laid. He felt a hand squeeze around his own, a soft noise coming from his throat as he looked up at the people around him with bleary eyes. “What… what happened?” He asked, swallowing as he finally figured out just who was holding his hand. “Ishida…” He murmured, reaching up to touch the other mans cheek. “Shouldn’t you be… in bed?”

“You’re hurt worse then I am right now.” Ishida murmured, leaning down to kiss Ichigo softly, the tightness in his chest finally loosening some. “You’ve been out for three days.” He said, carefully brushing his hand through Ichigo’s hair. His eyes widened when the other man tried to move, a soft noise coming from his throat as he pushed back on Ichigo’s shoulders, making him lay back down on the hospital bed. “Stop, you have a concussion, you’ll hurt yourself worse if you keep doing that.”

Ichigo looked a bit confused as he reached up, touching the back of his head. He winced at the pain, quickly pulling his hand away from the wound. “Ahhh, I guess you’re right.” He said, smiling lopsidedly. “I guess I’m the one that’s stuck in the bed now…” He murmured, reaching up to touch Ishida’s face softly. “Are you ok?” He asked, playing with Ishida’s hair a bit.

Ishida just nodded, smiling as he leaned down to kiss the other man again, just touching him softly. “Yes… I’m fine.” He murmured, pressing another kiss against Ichigo’s forehead. “I’m so glad you’re ok.” He said, laying on Ichigo, sighing as he laid his head against his shoulder. “So glad…” He whispered, sniffling a bit as he looked up. “I love you Ichigo…”

Ichigo just smiled down at him, running his hand through Ishida’s silky hair. “Ohhh, I love you too.” He murmured, pulling the other man into a soft kiss… the first of the rest of their lives.

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_I was never happier when I found out my father was wrong…_

_He was ohhh so wrong about how important he was… the cops would arrest him in a second._

_Ryuuken was arrested… and his precious hospital was given to me._

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“So, what exactly was he charged with?” Ichigo asked, rocking a bit as he held Ishida in his lap. They were all sitting in a park, curled up with their respective boyfriends and girlfriends as they talked about everything that happened. It seemed like it had been forever since this started… years… but it had been such a shorter amount of time then that.

“A whole bunch o’ shit.” Renji murmured, waving his hand as he reclined against Chad’s broad chest, randomly tossing up grapes for the brown haired man to eat. “I guess tha worst ones are… attempted murder, murder in the first degree and criminal abuse… or somethin’ like that.” He cocked his head at the confused looked he received before nodding. “He killed that weird blue haired guy, apparently.” He said, sighing when Ishida winced unconsciously at the reference to his former captor, he hadn’t meant to upset him.

“Don’t forget kidnapping.” Chad said, playing with Renji’s rarely let down hair as he sat therem trying to take the subject off Grimmjow. It warmed his heart to see the way they all were now… Ichigo with Ishida… him with Renji… Orihime with Rukia… they were a bunch of strange couples but… they were all so happy together.

“And drug running.” Ishida said, holding his hand out as he put in his two cents. He had a Popsicle in it, making his reach seem even farther. “And a prostitution ring.” He murmured, licking at the frozen treat again. It didn’t bother him to talk about it… quite to contrary, actually, it actually made him very happy to talk about his dad going to jail.

“Just means he’s not going anywhere for a long time.” Ichigo said, stealing a bite of Ishida’s Popsicle before grinning and suddenly picking the black haired man up as he stood. “But we are.” He said, grinning at the chuckling and waves he got from the rest of the group as he left. Now that it was all over… it was time for him and Ishida to start their relationship.

And they did.

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_Life is a series of mishaps and successes… ups and downs… depression and happiness… But the one thing I know now…_

_Mishaps… downs… depression… they happen… whether you want them too or not. But successes, ups and happiness… they have to be fought for._

_We fought so hard for this happiness… and you know what?_

_We won._


End file.
